The Twilight Drinking Game
It happens time after time. A book is made into a movie; we, the viewing public, get all excited that one of our favourite books is being adapted, thinking it’s going to be a marvel of the big screen. And then we are invariably disappointed when the film fails to live up to our imaginations. Isn’t that the definition of madness? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome…
Like millions of girls half my age, I loved the Twilight books. I’ve always been partial to a good vampire, having been an avid Buffy fan. I even watched Angel when it was really crap. I read all four Twilight books while I was visiting family in America, which meant that I spent the whole holiday engrossed in the love story of Edward and Bella rather than catching up as I should have done.
The films have been okay. Not great. But I still feel the urge to see them as soon as they are released, which is why we went to see Breaking Dawn Part 1 last night. James was blatantly not excited by my film choice, but he got to choose the last film we saw in the cinema, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy.
Ironically, that film got great reviews; nevertheless, we took turns sleeping through it, thanks to its tortuously slow pace and big leaps in drama combined with our lack of rest. Breaking Dawn, on the other hand, had appalling reviews with a lofty 27% on Rotten Tomatoes. While James was putting the baby to bed, he took great delight in texting me salient quotes from some of them, including:
“By any normal standards, this is a TERRIBLE movie”
“Essentially, one insufferably long pregnancy”
“Tagline – forever is only the beginning. Or is this a health warning?”
“This may be the most beautiful, badly made film in history”
“Of the movie’s 117 minutes, you’ll spend 87 of them bored out of your mind”
“It’s not a saga, it just sags”
By the time we left for the film, he had sucked out my excitement to see it, which is why I find it so funny that he actually really enjoyed it. Aside from the fact that the audience laughed in all the wrong places and the CGI wolves could have a crap-off with the CGI cats in the original Let the Right One In, James liked it because – and I quote – “It was about babies.” Bless.
I also enjoyed the film although it won’t be winning any Oscars. I enjoyed it more than Tinker Tailor and that probably will win an Oscar. On the way home from the cinema, it suddenly occurred to me that the Twilight series may be the drinking game movies of choice for this generation, like the Star Wars trilogy was for mine. You know how it goes: drink whenever someone says Luke or someone mentions the Force, etc. etc.
So I thought I’d put together a list of basic rules for anyone looking to play the Twilight drinking game. You must drink whenever:
1. Jake takes off his shirt.
2. Someone laughs at a part that’s not supposed to be funny (like Jake taking off his shirt again – you may end up drinking twice for that one).
3. Robert Pattinson acts like he may have forgotten his lines.
4. Kristen Stewart acts like she may have forgotten her lines.
5. Edward tries to leave Bella.
6. Anyone professes love for anyone else.
7. Someone tries to kill Bella.
8. You wish someone would succeed in killing Bella.
9. The vamps go a little mad over human blood.
10. You notice bad make-up.
11. Bella does an amazing job of hiding her internal angst by looking worried and biting her bottom lip (I’m amazed she has any lip left!)
12. Bella begs for any sort of intimate contact from Edward or Jake.
That should get you well and truly drunk. You can also make fellow game players drink extra if they recite any pointless trivia, like “Kristen Stewart’s eyes are actually blue” or they know when Stephanie Meyers makes her cameo.