How to get rid of dinner guests
1. Ask for volunteers to clean the dishes.
2. Book them all taxis.
3. Start removing the wine charms from their glasses while they are still drinking from them.
4. When you go up to check on the baby, leave the receiver on the dinner table with the volume turned up and whisper, “Don’t worry. They’re going soon,” into the monitor.
5. Tell them you’ve run out of booze.
6. Go get into your pajamas and come back to the table.
7. Start a row.
8. Show home videos.
9. Ask if they’d mind if you pumped breast milk at the table.
10. Tell them you’re writing a blog post on how to get rid of guests.