One once
30 Jul

Groundhog Day

I have a dream.

It involves a heavy mallet and my breast pump. It involves the heavy mallet being smashed down upon my breast pump. It involves my breast pump disintegrating into a million small pieces.

Every day my mission, should I choose to accept it, is to extract an extra 4 ounces of “booby juice” from my breasts, so that James can give Baby her dream feed at 11pm. I’ve also used it as a way to help increase my milk production, which I’ve struggled with since my 16th day of motherhood.

At the height of my expressing days, I was doing it seven times a day. At 15 minutes per session, that’s a lot of time. I sterilise the parts so often (6 minutes full power) that when I went to defrost my pizza the other night, I accidentally sterilised it. Thankfully, it still tasted okay after I put it in the oven.

When I started pumping a couple weeks after Baby was born, I’d get anywhere from half an ounce to one ounce, which is diddley squat. One time I managed 2.5 ounces in a sitting and almost had an orgasm of joy. It’s amazing what gets me excited these days.

Now, I seem to be reaping the rewards of my obsessive pumping and my production has increased. In one day, I can easily get my 4 ounces out plus a couple ounces to freeze. I’ve currently got 24 frozen ounces in the drawer of the freezer. Sometimes I look at it like it’s a treasure trove. My Cave of Milk. My Precioussssssssss.

I’ve had to cut back to expressing 4 times per day for the sake of my sanity. I dropped out the middle of the day pumping, as I seem to have less milk then anyway. I can promise you that I will be having a party to celebrate the day I put the pump away for good.

The thing that nobody tells you before you have a baby is that breastfeeding is hard (for some people, anyway). But then again, things worth doing are hard. I ran the London Marathon in 2002 and that was hard, but it’s also one of my proudest achievements. That’s sort of how I feel about breastfeeding.

Still I sometimes expect to hear Sonny and Cher singing to me when I get up every morning, waking me from my dream of destroying my breast pump. Then it’s change nappy, feed, play, sleep, pump. And repeat.


  1. 30 Jul

    Annabel - Love My Dress Wedding Blog

    Welcome to the world of Motherhood!!


    ps – it gets better, really. Wait until baby is a little bit more independent. You will be so grateful! ;)

  2. 30 Jul


    I know exactly how you feel!! Every day feels like it’s on repeat when you have a baby. I could never get on with the breast pump, made me feel like a cow going for milking too!!

  3. 30 Jul


    well done ju for keeping up with it, thats amazing at least its worth doing now :)

  4. 30 Jul


    I remember how easy I thought breastfeeding and expressing would be – I never understood how there could be so many books on breastfeeding….now I know! We struggled with quite a few problems and there were many days when it felt like all I did was feed, express and sleep. That went on for quite a while and as Alfie has reflux I was feeding every 2.5hrs and then keeping him upright for half an hour after ever feed to help his tummy. As he feel asleep on me during the night it meant I’d be awake all night and then wait for my husband to take over in the morning so I could catch up on sleep between feeds so I know what you mean about ‘groundhog day’. You do wonder when it will ever get easier but as Annabel says, as they get older it all changes. For me the biggest change was when Alfie starting sleeping through the night and for that I’ll always be grateful to Alison Scott-Wright who helped with Alfie’s reflux and is a sleep genius! You’re doing brilliantly and should feel very proud of yourself x p.s. I remember Clare B-C told me not to worry about sterilising the breast pump.

  5. 30 Jul

    Lucy at Dear Beautiful Boy

    Your treasure trove of milk made me giggle. I used to get a sort of giddy proud feeling looking at a freezer drawer full of mummy milk.
    I pumped in the early days for the same reasons you do, so Daddy could do the late evening feed and I could go to bed. But I ended up waking up so engorged that I gave up and did the feed myself. I was lucky because he quickly stopped waking in the night so I didn’t mind staying up a bit later.
    Now I wish I’d stuck with the pumping because at nearly six months old my little guy flat out refuses to take his milk from anything other that mummy. Not too much of a problem I guess…. unless I want to go out for the night!!! The joys of parenthood, huh?!?

  6. 30 Jul

    Jenny AKA Mrs O

    Gah! hahahahahah the pizza got sterilised – that is hilarious! I found our sky remote in the microwave, and the microwave steriliser on the coffee table when I was pumping every two hours, I was so tired and lonesome that I found it absolutely hysterical! I’m laughing now even! You do make me chuckle :o )

    Expressing is really chuffing hard work. I found that when I stopped I had so much time on my hands I didn’t actually know what to do with myself. I think you are doing amazing, and I love your blog. I have been looking back through my vintage boudoir pics – I fell pregnant not long after showing Mr O a sneak peak ;o)
    Jen x

  7. 30 Jul

    Mama Says

    So true, so funny! Expressing sends you loopy: I used to do it for so long, I started hearing a voice in the electric pump as it squeezed and squished away. Good luck with the expressing and don’t feel guilty if you do decide that enough’s enough. Sitting there counting each drip, drip, drip, and watching the milk level rising soooo slowly is a genuine form of torture.

  8. 31 Jul


    I know you know it will get better and kudos to you for doing this. My son couldn’t get his nutrition at the breast till he was 3 months old so 7 times a day I nursed for 30 minutes, pumped for 20-30 while trying to hold him and feed him a bottle at the same time to save time. The nursing was to keep him “at the breast.” I ended up eventually being able to pump 8 oz from each breast if I left him to go to work a few times.
    So keep it up – it gets better.

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